Freak Accident
by addicted2airwolf
Summary: Story 7. Hawke wakes up to find himself in the hospital and nothing like he remembered it.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

Unfocused blue eyes blearily opened, scanning the surroundings for anything familiar. It appeared to be a hospital room, not huge, but contained an IV drip amongst other things all hooked up to him somehow or another. For once he didn't fight it though. He hardly had the strength to finger the cold metal bracelet around his wrist much less go marching out of here on his own, much as he would like to.

Pieces were beginning to come back to him now. At least once he had already woken up here, but… Where exactly was here? And how did he get here?

An attractive looking strawberry blond entered the room wearing an obnoxiously bright pair of yellow scrubs. He knew her, if only he could remember the name. It wasn't all that important though, he realized; she was a shrink. A shrink that was telling him exactly nothing and probably enjoying it. He'd liked to have strangled the information out of her, but that wasn't even a remote possibility he knew. For one, she was armed with a readily accessible supply of tranquilizers; and secondly, he could barely move his arms, believed there was a good possibility he was paralyzed from the waist down altogether.

"How are you doing today Mr. Hawke?" the overly cheery woman queried.

Just dandy. He was stuck in an unfamiliar hospital, in a lot of pain, couldn't think straight, much less walk that way, and didn't know anyone here. How did he think he was doing?

"What happened to me?"

"We'll get to that all in good time. I want to know how you're doing first though."

He was liking her less and less by the minute.

He didn't know where the strength came from, but he abruptly grabbed her by the arm, pulling her down to his level. "I want to know what happened to me and why no one ever visits, every detail. And I want to know it now."

Startled, the woman hesitated briefly but quickly realized he was not hr average patient, and she was going to have to work on his time schedule if she was ever to get rid of this new disruption to her life.

"My brother, Dom, Cait, even Le - I want to know now."

"I'm sorry," she replied, letting out a deep breath. "I don't know who you're referring to when you say your brother. Saint John, the only one I've been told about, is still MIA."

"MIA? That's impossible. He's back. I brought him back myself- We were all up at the cabin…"

"It could have been a dream of something; sometimes the mind, especially a traumatized one, has a way of playing some cruel tricks on people. He's definitely not back though, the best guess is somewhere around the Vietnam-Cambodia border."

It couldn't be true, could it? He'd seen him, been able to hug the frail body to his own. That couldn't all be fabricated by some cruel game of his mind. It just couldn't.

"What about the others?" he asked again, this time somewhat more hesitantly.

"There was an accident, a crash I'm told, that's what landed you here in the first place. Dominic Santini and another passenger were presumed dead, killed instantly. Le van Hawke has been missing nearly two weeks now since a day after the accident, and I don't know anything about this Cait you're talking about."

Dom gone, no Saint John, no sign of Le or Cait…. Her words resounded through his head and his heart sank.

"What about the other passenger -was an identification made?"

"They tried, but the body was too badly burned, not useable dental records either."

He loosened his grip on her arm and finally let it fall away, suddenly drained of all energy.

"I'll come back later on," the woman offered, sympathetically patting his hand, "after you've had a while for everything to settle in. I know it's a lot, just wish I could do something to make it easier." With that said, she left the room and he drifted off again.

\A/

The next time he woke the cherry nurse was standing over him changing the IV bag, a pleased look spreading across her face as she saw him waking.

"Hey sleepy head," she greeted, "thought you'd slipped away from us again."

"Wha- what do you mean?" he queried on an exhausted whisper.

"You've been borderline comatose for the last two days."

"Are you always such a wealth of positive energy?"

"I try to be. You think I'm a shrink don't you?" she asked abruptly, looking somewhat amused.

"Aren't you?"

"Actually no. I don't even work here."

"Then what do you think you're doing with my-"

"Hold your horses, I'm not doing anything illegal yet."

"Then what would you call it?"

"I volunteer here. At lease I did, today was supposed to be my last day. If you were a little more stable I'd be tempted to take you with me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure you would handle it so well."

"Why? I sincerely doubt you find me that endearing."

"Actually I do find you somewhat charming, and I'm sure it would be more so if you hadn't spent so much time in the hospital lately.

"Really I am this difficult all the time, just ask…." he trailed off, not bothering to explain his sudden lack of interest.

"Just ask who?"

"Never mind," he answered tersely. "It doesn't matter anymore.'

"What is-" she stopped suddenly. "I'm guessing you were going to say one of the friends you mentioned earlier?"

"Not _one _of my friends, my _only _friends. They were all the family I had, and if they're gone… what's the point anymore?"

"Not everything is lost - you're still alive. There has to be some reason for that."

"Who was flying?"

"Who- when?"

"The crash, who was flying when we crashed?"

"Who ever said anything about flying? They told me you'd never remember the accident."

"I don't, but it's rare we're all driving together. Flying is a lot more likely."

"You were. Honestly, none of the doctors can figure out how you're still alive, even in your current condition."

"Dammit, why can't it be me for once, why not me?"

"Settle down or you'll get me kicked out of here," she warned. "What's your problem anyway? I know it's a lot to take in at once, but it's no reason for a death wish."

"Because it's always me. I'm always the one they can't figure out, always the sole survivor."

"You mean this has happened before?"

"Similar circumstances, always the same conclusion."

"Would you care to expound?"

"My parents died in a boating accident while only my brother and I lived; my fiancé was killed in a car crash that I walked away from. To top it off, in Vietnam both my brother and I were shot down on the same mission, but only one of us was picked up. And there's more. Should I continue? Throughout my life people have gotten hurt and killed all around me, yet somehow I'm still here. Can you explain that one to me? I sure wish someone would."

"I really have no experience in this field, and if there are many like you, and I hope there aren't many in the same place you are. I do have sympathy for you, and I would like to do all I can to help, but truthfully I don't know where to start.'

"You could start with telling me what's wrong with me and when I can get out of here."


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

"Getting out of here very soon is not even a possibility," she warned. "You regularly drift in and out of consciousness, can't walk, barely talk, and I wouldn't suggest trying to tackle solid foods yet if you know what's god for you. I was told you have second and third degree burns covering the lower portion of your body, multiple shrapnel wounds, and it's debatable whether you'll ever walk normally again."

He nodded, taking in the new knowledge with difficulty.

"You can stop me any time. I know it's a lot and know of it's easy."

"That much is true," he admitted, "but I'd rather know it all now."

"The doctors aren't giving you a very prognosis really, and I'm not supposed to be telling you this, but with the physical damage compounded with emotional loss it would be more than most people can handle."

"So I have to defy the odds once again."

"If there's any way I can help, I'd be glad to. I've always taken a particular interest in cases like yours where everyone else has pretty much given up hope; it's so rewarding to see someone like that when they can overcome the difficulties and get on with their lives."

"So why are you quitting?" he asked.

"I prefer not to think of it as quitting, rather finding a new place to put my talents to better use. You may not have noticed spending the majority of your time unconscious of the world around you, but lately things have been getting weird around here and I'm not sticking around to find out why."

"How weird?"

"Suddenly everything is different. Nobody feels the need for use of doctor-patient confidentiality anymore, the doctors hold 'special' meetings practically every day, and in general the whole atmosphere has changed. It's really kind of creepy."

"Get me out of here then. I don't want to be caught in another one of those crazy schemes."

She cast a curious glance towards him, but he offered no further explanation.

"I'll figure out something, just help me escape this place."

"I can't," she refused. "You _need _to be in a hospital."

"If it's anything like the last time things started getting weird, I might not need it at all."

"You're making lee sense every minute, but let me assure you, you _do _need the medical help. You've been unconscious less than four hours and you think you can march out of here yourself when you're on little less than life support!"

"I can't," he admitted, "I can't do it myself, that's what bothers me the most. Please help me though, if you can get me back to the cabin, my home, I'll pay you anything you want."

"What are you going to do there? Who is going to take care of you?" she demanded, beginning to get irritated at his determination."

"I don't know. I'll figure it out then, just get me out of here or I'll find a way to do it myself."

She glared at him for a long minute, astonished at how stupid, stubborn, and tunnel visioned one man could be. He remained unphased by her negativity however, completely focused on how he was going to escape whatever he so adamantly knew they must be planning for him.

"Fine," she relented, unable to ignore his plea for help any longer, "but if you end up killing yourself, don't blame me, and let me warn you now that the charm I was talking about earlier is quickly wearing off."

"Thank you."

'Uh-huh. You otta be grateful."

"I guess we can start with the basics then. I'm Stringfellow Hawke as you probably already know."

"Nice to meet you, Hawke. I'm-"

"No," he interrupted before she ever got the name out, "you can't be." Often a hazy glow surrounded everything he saw since he had woken up the first time, but as it had started to ease off with the passing of time and the images became sharper he was finally able to pick out some of the finer details of the face looking compassionately down at him. He reached out to touch her as if having to confirm she was real, but she caught his trembling hand mid-motion.

"Ca-"

"Cayleen. Yes, Cayleen," she said as the doctor entered the room. "I'll be by to bring your dinner in a little while." Gently patting his hand, she let it back down to the bed by his side and quietly disappeared from the room."

"I see you're doing better," the stocky, elderly man commented. "Glad to see you're awake at least."

"Wish I could say the same. It was less painful before I woke up."

"Understandable, I'll have one of the nurses bring you a little something extra for the pain when they come through to alleviate some of that for you. Is there anything else I might be able to do for you?"

"It's a little cold in here, but otherwise I guess I'm as comfortable as can be hoped for."

"Good, good. I'll be sure to send some more blankets your way too. You look tired, so I'll let you rest for now and come by to check on you later.

Hawke nodded weakly and watched the white-coated man depart, his mind still caught on Cayleen. The more he thought about it, the less sure he was that she was the same nurse he had originally woken up to. Both were perky, upbeat, and wore those ridiculously bright colored scrubs, but since he had woken this last time she was suddenly helpful - told him what ever she knew about the crash, his family, his injuries. She went from difficult and needing each bit of information to be forced out of her to readiness to help in any way possible, and it just didn't add up.

Abruptly the nurse now known as Cayleen reentered the room with a dinner tray consisting jello and some kind of unidentifiable broth.

"I wouldn't suggest you eating the broth," she cautioned. "It doesn't taste good and it's supposedly chicken. The jello isn't that bad though."

"How do-" he didn't bother finishing the sentence, deciding the mention of him being vegetarian was probably in one of the medical files she'd read. One that had obviously not been shared with whoever was in charge of meal distribution.

"How much do you remember?" she asked as she set the tray on the rolling table.

"Not much of anything. I woke up here - nothing an accident, crash, or anything."

"What is the status of your family and friends last you knew of?"

"What is this - torment the patient? Just leave me alone."

"Please answer the question."

"Dom's dead, nobody knows where Cait or Le are, that's what I was told."

"How's your brother?"

"I wouldn't know," she snapped. "He's not even in the same country as I thought he was. I don't know what's real and what's not anymore, and as time goes on I'm caring less and less. Maybe I can march myself right out of here," he said as he proceeded to rip the IV needles out. "Maybe being told I might never walk again was just another figment of my cruel imagination." Next he removed the heart and respiration monitors.

"What if you can't?" Cayleen demanded.

"I'll either wake up from this awful nightmare or I'll escape the pain for good."

"You can't." She laid a restraining arm on the already exhausted looking patient.

"Watch me," he rebutted, throwing off her hands.

"No!" she fought back, little less than yelling at the moment, needing a surprising amount of strength to shove him back down into the hospital bed. "String…"she panted from exertion, only inches above him.

Then it hit him.

Why hadn't he noticed it earlier?

No wonder the nurse's personality had so abruptly changed, it wasn't the same person.

"Cait." He no longer fought her, completely subdued and too worn out to do anything more.

"Yeah, it's Cait."

"What's really going on? Dom, Saint John, Le, they're not really…. are they?" he asked uncertainly.

"Truthfully, I'm about as confused as you are. A lot of things have happened fast though, and I'm still trying to figure out what's legit and what isn't. I will promise you this though, the two of us are going to get out of here and get to the bottom of this mess."


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

"I met up with that person you mention," Caitlin told Hawke as she set up the new IV. He is willing to do it. Are you doing any better yet?"

"No, not really," he admitted, "but I don't think they're trying very hard either."

How are we going to get you moved though?"

"We're going to need help. I take it you haven't found out anything new on the others?"

"Nothing. It's as if they don't exist, over ever did. I haven't been able to get a hold of Michael either."

"Do you know anyone else who might be willing to help?"

"Nobody I would trust enough. A whisper of this gets to the wrong person and we're and both going to have some serious problems."

"What about landing a helicopter on the roof, leaving it running, and coming in to get me with a wheel chair? I might be able to talk someone into providing a distraction for us. And that way if we do get caught in the act there are less people that can come after us."

"I'm not really a combat pilot though, Hawke. What happened when people start shooting at us, huh? I wasn't planning on bringing the lady for just anyone to grab."

"It's a risk we have to take."

She shook her head in disgust as she pulled the surgical mask back over her face. "You better be glad I care about you."

"I don't know what I'd do without you," he answered as he watched her go back out the door.

For the purpose of keeping their cover she had continued "volunteering" for the last two weeks, all the time hoping he would get stronger to better be able to handle the move. It was a waiting game and no one knew how long they could afford to wait, but they both knew time was running out.

Caitlin couldn't handle much more of this either, he knew. She was working long shifts, spending as much time with him as she thought she could get away with, and whenever she wasn't working she was focusing on trying to figure out what happened and getting him out of there.

Her shift was almost over now and he'd be stuck with her less pleasant replacement until the following evening. And then they would make a break for it.

\A/

"You're never going to get out of here if you don't eat anything," the attending nurse whose name escaped him admonished. "Here, just a piece of bacon, something."

"I'm good," he declined. Whether she honestly didn't remember he was vegetarian or just enjoyed picking on his eating habits, he didn't care anymore; he just wanted her to leave. For the last week he had been living off the one meal a day Cait had been sneaking in and that would continue to suffice until he was out of here.

Tonight. Just the idea made his heart beat a little faster, He would at last get to escape this place and be one step closer to what had really happened to the others.

"Fine," the nurse gave in. "But you aren't doing either one of us any good by refusing all forms of nourishment we try to give you."

"I appreciate your concern, but I'll be alright."

"Okay, just trying to warn you though. It's only going to be another needle to poke you with if they have to put the other IV back in, would have thought you'd had enough of those by now."

"When you've had this many, what's one more?" he quipped, attempting to show some sense of humor.

The nurse made no acknowledgment and left the room.

"Definitely not going to miss this place," he said with a deep sigh, "not at all."

\A/

Walking in with a fresh IV bag and medications, she came in like she would have any other day. By now she was getting good at changing everything, but was somewhat worried when String didn't stir throughout the entire process.

"Hawke."

No response.

"I've got a helo waiting on the roof and _now _you've got to sleep," she muttered to herself. "Come on, Hawke, you've got to get up."

Nothing.

She reached for the waiting wheelchair on the opposite side of the room, bringing it up beside the bed and locking the wheels.

"Now to get you from over there to right here." She briefly disconnected the IV, silencing it before the alarm went off and readied the patient to move."

"Ca-" he addressed sleepily.

"Yes, I'm here. Do you think you could give me a little help?"

"I can try," he replied. "But I'm not sure how much use that'll be. I still can't-"

"She cut him off. "I don't need to hear about what you can't do, just do what you can so we can get out of here."

He nodded, nearly drifting off again in the middle of the process.

"Okay, as gently as I can I'm going to get both legs on this side of the bed so you can get into a sitting position. Ready?"

"Yeah, let's just get it over with." He gritted his teeth and tried to think of something else as she moved one leg then the other.

"You alright?"

"No, but that's besides the point."

"Next is the wheelchair. I'll take as much of your weight as I can, but actually landing in the chair is up to you."

"And I better not miss."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I'm not sure I can get both of us out of the floor if you do."

"It's now or never."

Fighting gravity, injuries, and the effects of the sleeping medication, he struggled to as much of an upright position as he could manage, putting his weight on Catlin and lining up with wheelchair.

Suddenly his legs gave out and he fell before Caitlin could get a chance to help him. Rough as it might have been, he landed in the wheelchair though.

"Nice landing."

"Thanks. I'll let you handle most the rest of the escape plan now though."

"You're too kind."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

"Just do it.'

"I don't want to hurt you worse," Caitlin objected, "there's got to be another way."

"We don't have time. The excuse that you wanted to go outside for some fresh air isn't going to work long when they realize it's freezing outside, not to mention you shouldn't be out of bed."

"Sorry, I couldn't think of anything and you were only half conscious."

"Well I'm plenty conscious now."

"I know and I'm sorry to put you though this."

"Just shove me up there."

"I-"

"Cailtin." He regarded her with a mixture of pain and determination in his icy blue stare, but the determination won out. "I'll be fine. You have to do it now though."

Hesitantly she stepped forward, trying to find the most comfortable way of doing this she could for both of them and pushed him into the back of the Jet Ranger with all her might."

"A little more… I'm in."

The words came as a great relief to her, and an even greater one to him, she knew as she fastened the harness around him.

"Pick your poison. You can have more of the painkillers they were giving you at the hospital or I can break out the heavy duty stuff."

"Nothing for now."

"String, you don't have to put on a show for me. I read your medical charts, I know how badly it has to hurt."

"Truthfully, I don't think you begin to understand how much, but they already gave me something to make me sleep so it won't take much to put me for quite a while and I still have to get out of this bird."

"We'll have a little more time though, not such a rush."

"Sometimes I think it's better to just get it over with; I'm thinking this is one of those times."

\A/

**Several Hours Later**

**Milo's Clinic**

"Boy have you done it this time," Milo commented once Hawke had settled in.

"I know. I managed to get out of a whole war better than this; the worst part is I don't remember any of it."

"Ah, what'd I tell ya 'bout all that drinkin'?" Milo teased. "Will get ya nowhere, nowhere at all."

I'd say I wasn't drinking, but I can't remember," he played along.

"Probably for the best with a busted up leg like yours though."

"What's the prognosis, doc?"

"Not great," Milo answered, suddenly serious.

"How bad? I can take it."

"Some second degree burns, compound fracture in your left leg and a hairline in your wrist."

"Oh, is that all?" he asked sarcastically.

"I didn't mention the shrapnel wounds, but they took care of the stitches at the other place."

"I'll get straight to the important question then."

"When can I fly again?" Milo guessed. "That always was the question with you. Good to see some things never change."

"You guessed it. I've got a search party to mount, and that's much easier from the air."

"Who this time?"

"I've got a crash site to find, a whole family actually."

"You're not going to like this then. It'll be weeks before you're fit to fly again. I'll do all I can to speed your recovery, but I'd send you're girlfriend here after them or something cause you ain't going nowhere for quite some time."

"Milo, I have to. This is Dom and my brother we're talking about. My nephew too, nobody knows where they are, nobody to help them."

"Sorry to tell you this, buddy, but if they're in any condition like yours and no one's found them yet, I doubt you're going to find them alive."

"I have to find out what happened to them, you know what the not knowing does."

"I remember what you were like over there, and I don't want to see you like that again, but I can't do anything else now."

\A/

**One Week Later…**

"A walking cast at least," he pleaded.

"But if you got that much freedom to walk, who knows where you would walk to."

"I'm tired of being stuck in an uncomfortable hospital bed. I _need _to get out and get some air; a change of scenery wouldn't hurt either."

"I'm sorry you don't find my clinic very appealing, but unless you want to go right back where you came from, you're going to stay put."

"Milo." The single word was a heartfelt plea, enough that he almost gave in.

"Nope. I'm sure Miss Caitlin would be willing to wheel you outside if you ask real nice like."

"My leg is almost healed, you said so yourself," Hawke argued.

"Do you remember that time in 'Nam you went after your brother and was barely able to bring the copter back because both you and it were so shot up?"

"That happened a couple times."

"No, I mean the time it was really bad, right after you found out he was missing."

"Yeah, I remember."

"Do you also remember how long it tool to patch you up, how worried I was you wouldn't get over it?"

"Vaguely. Admittedly, I was pretty out of it though."

"I said I was going to do my best to make sure it never happened again. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to keep it from happening, but I sure as heck can keep you from making the same stupid mistakes you made then. You've been through a lot, and you're just going to have to accept it takes time to heal."

Hawke settled back against the pillows in defeat. Milo was right. He knew it, he just didn't want to accept it. It looked like he had no choice though.

"Can I talk to Cait for a while then?"

"Sure, just not too long. I don't want you planning any more escape attempts.."

Cait entered the room only a minute after Milo had left.

"I take it you're feeling better," she quipped.

"Sort of," he answered, immediately changing the subject. "Have you been able to find out anything?"

"By the time someone reported the wreckage and the police arrived everyone was gone, although no one seems to know where. Nobody knows if any of the others are still alive of how badly they are injured if they are. Police are still looking for Le, but nothing has turned up yet, that's all I know."

"Have you gotten a hold of Michael? He could probably step up the search process."

"I've tried. I was planning on going out there as soon as you're better and demanding to see him."

"You could go ahead now. I'm not going anywhere for a while."

"Do you remember where this place is? Even by helicopter it would take at least three hours to get there and another three to got back."

"Take the night off then. Milo will take care of me, and you could use the rest."

"I'm not sure flying three hours each way qualifies as rest, but I appreciate the offer. If it's all the same to you, I'll stay here. I don't want to get back and find you disappeared too. Besides, I already see the wheels turning in that head of yours, and this time I'm not going to help you escape."

"I need to know what happened."

"I know you want to know, I do too, but killing yourself to find out isn't going to help anyone."

"I keep thinking I should remember something - what they might have said or done, where they might have been going or why, anything… I just don't know. I hate all of this."

"I can offer to try to help, but truthfully I don't know anything more than you do. What do you remember, what happened before hand, and what's happened since?"

"The three of us - Dom, Saint John, and I - were getting in the Jet Ranger. I was flying, Saint John behind me, and Dom in the co-pilot seat. We were going…" he stopped abruptly, raking a hand in frustration through a nap of hair. "I don't know, just can't remember."

"It's alright, it's alright," Caitlin coaxed. "What's the next thing you recall?"

"That's the thing, I don't. Next, I wake up in the hospital to find my whole family could very likely be dead, and I nearly got killed myself. The rest if just a big blank."

"It might still come back though."

"But it might not. I might never know."

"Hawke, stop. It's not your fault just because you don't remember and can't change the past. It could have happened to anyone."

"But you don't _know _it wasn't my fault. I could have made a mistake; I might not have been paying attention. It _could _have happened to anyone, but it didn't. It happened to _me. _If they are dead it's _my _fault because _I was the one flying." _


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

Rounding the corner and pushing open the wide door to Hawke's room, Caitlin found Hawke collapsed in the floor.

"Hawke!" She rushed to his die, finding him conscious only a minute later.

"Help me back to the bed please," he requested meekly.

"Don't you think-"

"Please, Cait."

She obliged, now seriously concerned about him. He just wasn't himself. Typically he was stupidly stubborn and determined; even when he ought to have known he couldn't do it on his own he felt it necessary to try to prove otherwise. Not now though. He_ looked _lethargic and weak and as time wore on, became more so instead of better. The strong obstinate spirit seemed to be broken.

"I'll help you up, but I'm getting Milo as soon as you're back up there."

"No, it's not necessary," he argued halfheartedly.

"You want to explain why I found you in the floor then?"

"I fell."

"I kind of guessed that. Would you throw in a few details?"

"I was going to call Michael and I didn't quite make it."

"I doubt you made it a whole two steps, nowhere near 'quite' there. You know I've been calling, why do you feel it essential to kill yourself trying to do it yourself?"

"You're too nice," he retorted bluntly. "Besides, maybe for one he doesn't know anything more than the rest of us, perhaps doesn't even know about the crash. I thought I would give it a try."

"Next time ask for help then, alright?"

"Would you have let me go though? Honestly."

"I-I don't know, but you didn't make it there either so you're no better off, and at least with me you might have managed to avoid hitting the floor."

"Will you take me now?'

"Now? No, now I'm going to get Milo to check you out and make sure you haven't done anything else to yourself."

"I don't need his help anymore."

"Sure you don't, that's why I found you collapsed in the floor unable to get up, right?" she demanded irritably. "I wish you'd be a little more appreciative for one, Hawke. We've all done all we can but it takes time and none of us can do anything about that. Really, what do you want us to do? Fly you up to the cabin and just leave you there? That way when you fall down the stairs you'll be on your own.

"I know you're frustrated, so is everybody else, but what you're doing isn't going to help anybody, certainly not yourself."

"Fine, go get Milo. I don't care anymore, just stop trying to dictate everything I can and can't do."

"You know what, I will." She stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her and stomped down the hallway. If he disliked her help so much then she just wouldn't give it.

"Dr. Milo," she called as she continued down the hallway at an ever-increasing rate.

"Just Milo," he gently corrected. "I'm a friend."

"When you get a free moment would you mind taking a quick look at String?"

"Why, is he alright?"

"Says he is. You might want to consider some heavy duty restraints though."

"He didn't-"

"Oh yes he did."

"I'll check on his now."

"Thank you. I'll be back in maybe a day or two; you don't need to worry about telling him though."

"Okay…." he started to reply, but she was already long gone.

Kicking the rotors into motion, she started away from the secluded clinic in search of some answers.

\A/

"Sir, there's someone here to see you," the white clad assistant announced.

"I said no visitors," he answered without looking up from his work.

"I don't think she'll take no for an answer."

"I'll take care of it," Marella said, stepping away from her patient.

"That isn't necessary. I'll handle it myself."

Stepping back into the waiting room, he saw Caitlin O'Shaunessey wrestling with two security guards who were trying to escort her out of the building against her will.

"Wait."

They stopped but neither loosed their grip.

"She's alright, let her go."

Reluctantly the two guards obeyed, taking up their previous residence at either side of the door.

"What all this?"

"I told them I wanted to see you," she answered, flustered.

"Sorry about that. I currently have a standing order not to see anyone," he explained, "but you can come back with me."

She followed down the corridor which gradually evolved from executive office building to state of the art medical facility.

"It's good to see you," he said almost too conversationally.

"I guess I could say the same," she replied after a long pause. "It would have been quite a bit more pleasurable without the incident involving the security guards, but considering what's been going on lately…"

He raised an inquisitive eyebrow but made no comment.

"Come into my office," he requested, holding the door open for her.

She did as he asked, curiosity beginning to get the better of her. He closed the door firmly behind and locked it behind them. "It really is good to see you. I've been a bit worried since I got the report you were missing. You don't by any chance have Le with you too, do you?"

"No, I actually came to you hoping for some answers."

"I don't know that I can help you much," he replied, still avoiding her imploring gaze. It wasn't an obvious thing, but she sensed there was something he wasn't telling her, something he didn't want to have to say.

Michael sat down in one of the chairs across from his desk and silently invited her to do the same. "Is there anything I can do for you?" he offered sincerely.

For some reason she was beginning to feel like the relative of a deceased family member at the funeral. It brought an unnerving chill to the air as she attempted to fill in the blanks he was leaving.

She failed.

Although the rush of leaving Hawke and flying all the way out here was gone, her impatience was beginning to make itself known again, only this time she didn't take so long giving into it.

"What is it? All this beating around the bush isn't doing either one of any good."

"I'm sorry," he apologized, "I just don't know exactly what to say. I don't have nay answers, I've tried, but nothing's come of it. He's just gone.'

"Le will be alright," she replied with false confidence, "he's run off before and been okay."

"Not…" he didn't bother finishing the sentence, not that he had the words to say in the first place. At first he had been in denial, unable to accept what the facts pointed to, perhaps she still was.

"What were you going to say?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter, I mean, it does matter, I just…. I don't know. I haven't had to deal with this in such a long time," he said by way of explanation. "I was trying to come up with something meaningful to say instead of the official 'I'm sorry for your loss, you have my deepest condolences.' It somehow seems too flat, impersonal. I know he wasn't a man of many words, but I should say something."

"What are you talking about? I'm getting more and more lost by the minute."

So she didn't even know yet. Great. He had an even more difficult job _and _he'd made himself look like a babbling idiot.

"Did you know about the mudslide further up the coast?"

"Yeah," she answered, confused at what this had to do with anything he was talking about.

"And how many people, injured or otherwise, needed to be gotten out of the area?"

"Uh-huh, but-"

"Santini Air was offering assistance. Good publicity for it, but I think it had more to do with Dom not being able to ignore a person in need."

"Okay."

"The Jet Ranger never made it there. No visible signs of tampering, but it crashed ten miles out. Not much of anything left of it."

"Yeah."

"Dominic and Saint John didn't fair so well."

"But they're alive? They are, aren't they?"

He hesitated before answering.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 5**

"Are they alive or not?" she demanded.

"Dominic has regained semi consciousness. Saint John is still in a coma. Were hopeful he'll eventually pull through though. There was another passenger," he reminded.

"I know."

"The body was too badly burned, dental records too, but the probability points to only one person… Hawke didn't-"

"Yes he did. He's got a broken leg and plenty of burns, but he's definitely alive."

"Hawke's alive? Then who was the other person? Not that I'm complaining, but I thought it had to be him."

"I don't know. I didn't think anyone was going with them, but obviously someone did."

"Does Hawke know who it was? At the very least someone should tell the family."

Caitlin shook her head. "He doesn't remember anything after getting into the chopper and the passenger wasn't there yet at the time."

"He's doing pretty well though I assumed?" Michael asked, relief that Hawke was alive still easily evident.

"As well as can reasonably be hoped for," she answered. "He's been anxious to find out what happened to the others since he woke up though. The other hospital he was at presumed they'd been killed in the crash, but you know him. He wouldn't accept that, and I'm glad too, but it's hard watching him struggle against his own limitations."

"If he's up to it, we could move him here," Michael offered, "but if he would prefer to stay where he is of course that's alright too."

"For now I think it's best if he stays where he is, assuming I can keep him there. If he gets moved to the FIRM clinic with Dominic and his brother just down the hall, you'll never be able to keep him in his room long enough to recover."

"We do have one of the best hospitals in the country," the deputy director reminded, "not that I don't think you've seen to it he has gotten appropriate care."

"I'm sure you do, but he knows his current doctor from back in Vietnam and it gives them a little bit of a chance to catch up. He doesn't exactly need amazing ground shaking medical technology any more either, just time and patience; I don't know he would really do any better here."

"I understand. When you return you can give him somewhat better news, and let me know if I can help either of you in any way."

"Thank you. For now Le's the only one missing, so unless you can find him I'm not sure there's much else you can do."

"Le…" he let the sentence trail off for a minute as he walked slowly toward his desk. "Are you aware of the test Hawke wanted me to take care of?"

"No, what is it?"

"A paternity test - Le isn't Saint John's.

\A/

"She's gone isn't she?" Hawke asked abruptly before the doctor left the room following the checkup.

Milo turned to face him. "If you're trying to drive her away, you're doing a darn good job, and I'm telling you this as a friend trying to look out for you, not just a doctor. She's got everything you do to worry about and more. Caitlin seems like a nice girl, don't hurt her by letting her see you keep hurting yourself." He turned and left the room to leave Hawke alone to contemplate his words.

Several long, silent minutes dragged on, seeming like and eternity of loneliness before Caitlin suddenly came through the door.

"Cait," he greeted, happier to see her after an afternoon alone than he knew possible.

"Hey, how are you?" she returned in greeting she for some reason didn't expect to be returned.

"Feeling better now," he replied. "I was beginning to get a little lonely. I'm sorry for how I've been acting too," he apologized. "You're as concerned as I am, and I've failed to acknowledge you as anything more than my personal servant and you deserve better than that."

"I'm sorry too, I should have said something. I was finally able to get to see Michael though."

"Are they-?"

"They haven't been able to figure out what exactly brought the helicopter down yet, but Dom and Saint John are in the FIRM's clinic."

"So they're alive." He breathed a deep sigh of relief like a physical burned was being lifted from his shoulders.

"Your brother is still in a coma though," she announced somberly.

"I want to see them. Will you help me?"

"There's one more thing."

"What is it?"

"Le-"

"He's alright, isn't he?"

"Still hasn't been found, but the test - he's not your brother's."

She waited for his reaction but noticed no real change in his demeanor, not any audible response.

"You alright?"

"Yeah. I figured it was a good possibly, but it doesn't really matter, you know. I told him that if Saint John turned out not to be his father I would be his Dad. I still intend to fulfill that promise.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

"Do you know what the odds are someone, anyone, will find Le alive after he's been missing this long are?" String asked between disgusted bites of hospital food.

"Aren't you Mr. Optimistic today."

"No, really. I think he could still be alive, but we aren't looking in the right places."

"If this is another attempt to get out of here, you might as well give it up now. I already nearly killed us both trying to get out of the last place, and I'm not about to do it again any time soon."

"I've already given up on that, at least for now. I'm hoping to get released early for good behavior."

"It's not really a prison you know," Caitlin admonished although a hint of a smile tugged at her lips.

"It just feels like it. How long has it been now?"

"Six weeks. But don't think about that, think about how soon until you can get out of here, properly this time."

"Yeah, I guess. If anything changes will you let me know?"

"Of course, just as soon as I find out something."

\A/

"Hawke, I…" Milo had started as he entered the room but suddenly broke off. "Guess they worked things out," he mumbled almost inaudibly tom himself.

Hawke looked to be sleeping peacefully, Caitlin had slumped down in her chair over the bed and was dozing against his chest.

He looked down at the paper and back to the sleep patient and his visitor. "Ah, it's nothing that can't wait." He turned and went to leave.

"Milo?" he heard a sleepy voice call just before he walked back out into the hallway. He turned to face the patient.

"Was there something you needed?"

"I thought it could wait, but if you're awake I suppose I could tell you now. I know Caitlin probably told you everything I've told her, but there was something about wanting a prognosis on your recovery?"

"Your clinic is nice and all, but I'd really like to get out of here."

"You're lucky to be alive at all. The way I see it, anyone who made it out of there alive is. I believe from a combination of what you and Caitlin have been able to tell me, that after the crash the chopper caught fire, first in the rear left quarter panel and spreading throughout the cockpit in the back then co-pilot's side and finally where you were in the pilot's seat. I can't figure out who or what got you out of there, but presumably the leg and wrist injuries are from the initial crash itself or possibly being pinned. The bones in your leg are healing well, but the burn and especially the nerve damage are naturally going to take longer."

"How much longer is longer?"

"It depends on the person and the extent of damage. Yours isn't as bad as it could be, yet you still can't walk. Honestly, it's difficult to tell how much is because of that and how much is the bone injury. But, you have a couple things on your side."

"Oh? What would that be?"

"For one, age; you aren't that old and typically speaking, the younger you are the better you heal. Also, you tend to be a fast healer."

"That good, I think."

"You also have someone who care _about_ you enough to care _for _you. If Caitlin is willing to help, you might be able to get out of her a little sooner. Since I'm sure you'll want to go home, rehab is more tricky, but then again you weren't planning on going to that anyway were you?"

"Not if I can avoid it."

Milo smiled to himself. "Not much has changed , has it?"

You know me - stupid, stubborn, and still making the same mistakes. The only difference is the helicopter is faster."

"Before I go, did she tell you about her trip back to Las Angeles?"

"She told me about Dom, Sinj, and Le if that's what you mean."

"Yeah, now you know what I know. I have to get on my other patients though, so I guess I ought to get going."

"See you later," he replied, watching his old friend disappear beyond the doorway. As Milo left, he leaned back against the pillows, his hand falling to gently caress the short red hair of the woman in front of him. He had more to be grateful for than he realized. To start with, for her. He didn't deserve her, but for some unknown reason she stuck with him, kept coming back after he pushed her away time and a time again.

He pulled his hand away as she began to stir, slowly raising her head and blinking several times.

"Hey," he greeted, "Sleep well?"

"Yeah actually… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you. I-"

"It's okay," he assured her. "Milo came in a while you were asleep. He said that if you could stand me a while longer I could get out of here a little sooner."

"What do you mean?"

"He understands we want to get back him as soon as possible, but obviously can't just come up with some miracle panacea. If you would be willing to keep an eye on me though, he said that he would consider releasing me a bit earlier."

"And if I asked him would he tell me the same thing?"

"Go ahead; ask away."

"Just making sure, I know how you are."

"It's a completely legit question, but I'm telling the truth this time."

"I'll do it then if you promise to be on your best behavior," she teased. "It's better than having to baby-sit you up here constantly, more comfortable at least."

"I promise then."

"Good."

"I'll be a good little boy, promise," he continued, "we can stay at my home _or_ your house, I just want to get out of here."

"Okay, that's enough. I believe you ."

"You sure? I can keep pleading if you want me to."

"No, I think that's enough. Now we just have to see if you can live up to the promises you made."


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

"Just because she's letting you sit up here doesn't mean you can fly," Milo warned sternly. "I don't want to see you back up here so keep fingers and toes off _all _the controls until you get the okay from a doctor back home."

Hawke nodded his agreement and waited for Milo to clear and Caitlin to climb into the pilot's seat. Only minutes later they were in the air and on their way back to Van Nuys airport.

"I take it you're going to want to stop by the FIRM clinic before going home," Caitlin broke through the silence at last.

"Please."

She couldn't help but grin. He really was trying, but at the same time it was killing him to do it. He wanted to fly, he wanted to do it on his own, but he couldn't. Worst of all, he didn't even know exactly why - what had caused the crash in the first place - and what he might have done to Dom and Saint John if it was his fault.

Almost as if he was reading the same wavelength, he abruptly asked his own question. "

"Do you think it was my fault?"

"I'm sure there wasn't anything you could do."

"That sounds like an answer a random person I'd never met would give. You've flown with me, you know how I fly, what I do in certain circumstances, what mistakes I'm most likely to make. Do you think it _could _have been my fault?"

"How do you expect me to answer that? I don't know because I wasn't there. You've always seemed like a more than competent pilot to me, but everyone makes mistakes occasionally. You might have done something wrong, it's possible, but it could have been a mechanical failure; it could have been any number of things."

"What if it was though? What if they don't make it? It's taking me forever to get over it and if Milo's guess is right I should have faired the best out of all of us. I'm having to practically relearn what my brother is like and now I may never get the chance. Dom's never been anything but good to me, and I might have killed him. How can I live the rest of my life knowing that?"

"They'll be fine," she replied in as reassuring a tone as she could muster. "Dominic has already regained semi consciousness if you remember, that's progress."

"Yeah, I guess." He shifted awkwardly in the seat, not completely grateful for the slight sense of feeling that was beginning to return to his legs."

"You alright?"

"Fine. How long did you say it takes to get back?"

"I did it the other night in just under three hours."

"Okay."

"I can stop before then if you need me to though," offered.

"I know; I should be alright though. Three hours isn't really _that _far," he declined. And _normally _it wouldn't be. This wasn't normally though. The next two hours passed agonizingly slowly, so much so he felt like he would have been able to walk the distance faster. But that, of course, would be assuming he could walk. They said time heals, but he couldn't help but wonder if time _could _heal this. If it could, it was going to take a long time.

"We're almost there," Caitlin's voice echoed through the headset, ripping his out of his musings. "I'll get as close as I can, but security is pretty tight at the moment."

"Did something happen?"

"It mostly has to do with the whole crash thing and no one being able to tell if it really was an accident or not. When we touch down you stay put until I return for you, got it?"

"Yes ma'am. Just hurry please."

"I'm not your mom, wouldn't even be acting like such a mother hen if you weren't so stubborn about these things, so please stop treating me like I am."

"I wouldn't have dared answer my mother like that when I was a kid, he admitted, "but I might be able to lay off the ma'ams a little."

"Good. I would have to hate to leave you here while I went inside."

She switched to the FIRM's radio tower frequency before he had a chance to rebut, enjoying watching him silently glare from across the cockpit.

"Santini One requesting a landing as close to the clinic as possible…..No we are not declaring a medical emergency, just making house calls," she said in answer too the tower's question. "Far north hangar, roger that."

She switched the radio channel back, but by then Hawke had given up on whatever he was going to say.

"String," Caitlin began as she landed the helicopter, "in all seriousness, I want to warn you. Neither of them looks amazingly great."

"It's okay, Cait. I've probably seen worse, and I know I wasn't in very good shape myself so I can't expect them to be want to see them."

She nodded and silently slid out, promising to return in a few minutes.

Ten minutes later he could see Caitlin's far away silhouette coming in his direction from the FIRM building with a wheelchair from the clinic.

"Is that really necessary?" he groaned, knowing all the while it was. He's never make it inside on his own, or with her help for that matter.

Pushing the door open as she neared the chopper, he saw the unrepentant grin on her face. "Your thrown has arrived."

"My thrown? Give me a break."

"You promised you would be good," she reminded. "It this or three hours back to Milo."

"Alright, alright, you win. You have to help me get into that things though."

She positioned the chair next to the helicopter and braced herself to take the majority of his weight. "Ready when you are."

Letting out a deep sigh, he agreed, placing his hands on her shoulders and leaning on her as she guided him down.

"I'm going to break your back if we keep this up," he commented once he caught his breath.

"You better not," she warned. "If you do, neither one of us will be able to go anywhere."

"That just won't do; I hope you have a strong back then."

"You and me both." She started forward with him back towards the FIRM building.

\A/

"Hawke, good to see you," Michael greeted, slapping him companionably on the shoulder.

Hawke winced. "Good to see you too," he answered weakly.

"How are you doing?"

"I've been better," he admitted, "but I've been worse too."

"Well, I wish you a speedy recovery. I take it you're here to visit Dominic and Saint John though."

"I was hoping to."

"Okay, I'll let you in. But let me warn you know, you aren't going to like what you see."


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

_Entering the clinical white room which was sparsely furnished with little more than a short sofa that looked like it had been laminated, they came to the two occupied beds, both with almost dead looking bodies._

_Dominic was sleeping the on duty nurse had told him, but he looked more like he was having seizures with odd twitches and tremors interrupting a period of not quite restful looking sleep. Saint John was the opposite; had it not been for the barely perceptible rise and fall of his chest, he wouldn't have believed him to be alive._

"_I'll leave you two alone for a while," Michael said, " but I'd like you to stop by my office before you leave."_

_Hawke nodded lethargically but didn't move any further._

"_Cait," he said in a choked voice hardly more than a whisper._

"_Yes?"_

_He could tell with the single word not even having to look at her the compassion and sympathy she had, the willingness to do anything she could. And the ability to do nothing._

"_I don't even know where to start."_

"_I'm not sure I can be of much help there. I can leave though if you want some privacy," she offered._

"_No," he answered hastily. "I mean, you can stay; I'd prefer you to actually. I don't want to be alone." _

_Parents - dead._

_Saint John Hawke - missing in action, presumed dead._

_Gabrielle Admir - dead._

_A threatening, overbearing darkness settled over everything - or nothing, depending on how you looked at it. He felt small and insignificant, locked away in an inescapable prison. Alone._

_Dead._

_The single word replayed constantly in his head._

_Dead, dead, dead - all of them._

_And he had been sentenced to live a desolate, lonely life of solitude. If he chose to break that cycle, to even try, anyone he might know or love, even be beginning to, would be killed. Dead._

_He wanted to have someone to look after, to look after him, maybe one day even have a family._

_He didn't want to be alone._

"I understand." Truthfully she wasn't sure she could fully understand the pain he had been through, but after all that, and especially with the current situation, she knew it couldn't be easy. Now more than ever he needed someone to lean on.

"I wish there was something, anything, I could do," he said, wheeling himself somewhat closer to the bed and leaning heavily on the bedrail. He sat in silence for several long minutes until she turned to check on him, finding him asleep in the chair.

For two hours she sat with him, doing a the only thing she could. After that Michael came in and gave them his blessing to leave, only requesting they return when Hawke was feeling a bit more lively.

\A/

Waking up slowly, Hawke struggled to roll over onto his back, not making I any further before Caitlin entered the room.

"I thought you might wake up some time soon," she commented as she helped him sit up in the bed and gave him the tray of food.

"I get room service now?" he quipped, gratefully accepting the bowl of ramen noodles.

"You seemed a little tired, but don't get used to it. You're going to have to heal in a hurry or you'll be going to the grocery store with me; normal people eat chicken noodle soup."

"Who would want to be normal?"

"I don't know, but if I were you I would probably want to be after everything you've been through."

"I'd say I've been through worse, but I'm not sure I have. Were Saint John or Dom doing any better by the time we left?"

"Not really," Caitlin answered honestly. "Michael did ask to see you when you were feeling better though."

"Have any idea what he wanted?"

"No."

They sat in silence for several long minutes, both trying to come up with something to occupy the time.

"I have an idea. Now that you're out of the hospital gowns as daily attire, would you like me to get you anything from the cabin?"

"More clothes, I guess. Or you could just drop me off there."

"You heard what Milo said, and there will be no dropping anyone off."

"Would you trust me alone long enough t o fly out there?"

"I could always take you with me."

"You might loose me while we're up there."

"I don't think you'd get very far. Besides, you'd find a way back and surface again at the FIRM clinic."

"Alright, you got me there, but I don't feel right taking over your apartment when I have a perfectly good place myself, not to mention the fact I shouldn't be taking over any place. I should be looking for Le."

"The police are looking," she reminded, "but you can't go anywhere until you're doing better. _I _can't even go out because if I did you'd go and get yourself into more trouble."

"If I promise to be good, can we at least do something? I'll even let you push me around in that ridiculous wheelchair."

"Your promises like that aren't worth much. You'll do that until we can't agree on something and you'll try to set off on your own again."

"I need to get out. Besides that, it's starting to get cold outside, before long it will be snowing. What is he gets stuck in the weather?"

"It won't be snowing for weeks, String. We're only moving into fall. Le will be fine, and somebody will find him, whether it's us or not."

"He's my responsibility and I'm not fulfilling my end of what I said I would. I said I would protect him, that I would be there for him when he needed me, and I'm sitting here doing nothing."

"Tell you what, if you eat everything I gave you, stop complaining, and get some sleep tonight, then tomorrow we'll go look for a while then fly out to the cabin to get you some clothes. You'll get out for while and you might be well enough rested you don't pass out on me again."

"Fine," he agreed. She was offering him all he was going to get and little more than he had expected, so he most definitely was going to take full advantage of it.

\A/

"Have you seen this kid?" Caitlin asked, showing the storekeeper a photo of Le.

"Sorry, no." he answered, shaking his head.

"We aren't getting anywhere like this," String complained, "we've been to every store on the street. If he was kidnapped I doubt his captors would have dragged him through every store in town anyway. I'd look for somewhere more private and secluded."

"I don't think kidnappers have anything to do with _you _looking for secluded, but even if it does who is to say this secluded place is even in California?"

"Unfortunately nothing."

\A/

"Well, here we are," Caitlin announced with forced enthusiasm. They'd spent the whole morning looking for Le fruitlessly and with String gradually loosing interest and much less gradually becoming exhausted, she had proposed the idea of going ahead to the cabin. And now here they were.

Hawke barely made any move to acknowledge her until something abruptly caught his eye. He hastily began to fight with his seatbelt restraints until he was able to free himself and did his best to slide somewhat gracefully down to the dock.

"What is it?" she questioned even as she ran around the front end of the helicopter to catch him.

"Over there," he said, pointing.

"What? Who's over there?"

"Le," he replied shakily, wavering in his stance and finally crumpling under his own weight.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

"Is he going to be okay?" Le van Hawke asked concernly.

"I hope so," Caitlin answered without thinking.

"What?"

"Yeah, he should be fine, just bumped his head a little on his way down, that's all," she recovered.

Painfully maybe, but eventually he could physically heal, at least to a certain extent. His mental state was what worried her the most. He was on the brink of loosing everything he valued most and it was obvious he was burning out.

She pulled a light quilt over him and perched on the edge of the sofa beside him, sitting in silence as she looked at Le for a brief moment the abruptly got p to hug the boy.

"Are you alright? How'd you even get here? We've been worried something happened to you, thought you might have gotten kidnapped or something."

"When nobody came back the hangar after I got back from school I got someone across the way to give me a ride up here to wait until I heard what happened. What _did _happened?"

"I don't know," Caitlin answered. 'Dom, Saint John, String, and someone else were in an accident. No one can really say what went wrong or if it was even truly and accident. I finally found String, although he can't remember much of the incident, and later we located Dominic and Saint John who had somehow gotten separated from him. String was in pretty bad shape and actually still faces the threat of not being able to fly; he's getting better, but slower than he would like. His brother is still in a coma though, and Dom isn't much better."

"But they're going to be okay, right?"

"It's still a waiting game, but I'm holding out hope." She dropped her arm and looked at him again for a minute, realizing exactly what Hawke meant about it not mattering if he was a blood relative or not. He was family now and, promise or not, he would stay that way. "Would you help me get a little something together for him?" she requested, referring to the man who was beginning to stir on the couch. "I guess we're staying here for the night after all."

\A/

"Archangel to the cabin, Hawke, are you there?" Michael radioed, exhaustion evident in his tone.

Startling slightly, Stringfellow Hawke barely registered the noise.

"Hawke? Anyone?"

Suddenly awake, he sat up too fast and immediately regretted doing so. Doing his best to push aside the rising nausea, he crawled across the floor, not yet ready to attempt sustaining his own weight, to answer Michael's beaconing.

"I'm here, Michael, what is it?:"

"You're a hard man to get a hold of, Hawke. I thought I would be the first to tell you, your brother isn't doing well; he took a turn for the worst last night."

After several steadying breaths, he still couldn't formulate a coherent question.

"Hawke, you alright?" Michael asked, sympathy recognizable even over the radio connection .

"Yeah," he replied, a lie neither of them believed. "How bad is it?" He swallowed, trying to brace himself for whatever news Michael would impart, knowing it was useless.

"He was conscious last night, just before midnight."

"What do you mean _was?"_

"He couldn't take the pain and we had to put him into a medically induced coma."

"Isn't that a pretty big risk, considering?"

"It is," Michael allowed. "And I wish we hadn't needed to, but there was no other option we could come up with. If you had seen or heard him, and I'm glad you didn't have to, you would understand. With what we know, he could be almost completely paralyzed or eventually fully recover and there isn't much we can do but make him comfortable."

"Hawke," Cait called from the loft.

"Thanks for the update. I'll be up there as soon as I can get Cait to take me, but if I don't want her to kill me I better go."

"Good luck with that, and take it easy. Angel out."

He attempted to make it back to the sofa before Caitlin make it downstairs but failed, getting pinned with a relentless glare.

"What are you doing up?"

"Rehab exercises?" he supplied the first excuse that came to mind, no matter how weak it was.

"Not yet you aren't. Just last night you collapsed on the dock. I think you'd better come up with something better than that."

"Michael radioed in, Saint John isn't doing well. I'd like to go see him."

"I can appreciate that, but if you don't start listening to the doctor's orders you are going to find yourself back in the hospital."

"I know. Would you take me to see him though?" he requested, a sobering plea that foretold just how serious it was. "Please."

What was she supposed to say to that? He needed to stay home and rest. On the other hand, what if Saint John didn't make it and she was the cause of them not getting to see each other? String had spent the better part of his life looking for his brother, surely he deserved that much. But at what risk? If anything, the last couple of days he seemed worse.

"Cait?"

When she finally forced herself to meet his gaze she couldn't even begin to comprehend the pain and vulnerability his eyes held with that silent continuing plea, powerless to do it on his own.

"Get some more rest and I'll see if we cant work it out," she replied, knowing all the while he mind was made up.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

Looming somewhere near consciousness, Dominic Santini involuntarily stretched as if reaching for consciousness up yet somehow unable to attain it. There were voices all around him, but they sounded garbled and far away. Gradually they became clearer until he could pick out some of them, although still not comprehending the actual words.

"_Now looking good… how much of a chance…. Is it even worth it, the damage…."_

Could they be talking about him? He wondered anxiously.

"_They're here…. No, not long…."_

He fought to open his eyelids, tried to escape the dark weight that battled him every step of the way. And lost. Try as he might, he couldn't muster the strength to fully rejoin the world around him; then, slowly, he was falling, falling prey to the darkness he tried so hard to escape.

\A/

Pushing the wheelchair with Hawke in it, Caitlin entered the guarded corridor on the clinic adjacent to Knightsbridge. Michael escorted her through it, falling into step beside her.

"How is he?" Michael asked in a low whisper in an effort to keep Hawke from hearing him.

"Not great. I'm worried about him."

That much was obvious. The usually lively redhead looked disheveled and tired from the sudden stresses that had recently been thrown into her life. He probably looked about the same way though, he admitted ruefully. Plenty of questions had arisen when the Santini Air disappeared; since it had been found, there had only been more questions and worries.

Was it and accident? Pilot error or mechanical failure? Or was there more to it than that? No one knew. That was why he had stepped up the security and taken all the measures he could to find Hawke and Le. Still, it had done him no good. Whoever was responsible for this mess, if any person was, was good. Too good.

"Would you have on of the doctors check him out before we leave?" she requested. "I know he's undoubtedly tired and most likely still in a lot of pain, but…" she tossed a quick glance at String who was slumped into the wheelchair only half awake. "He collapsed on the dock last night, not surprising since he's not supposed to be walking on his own, but he was out cold for quite a while."

"No problem. We'll even keep him here, if necessary by force. Although at the moment he doesn't look like he would put up too much fuss."

"Let him see Saint John first though, I think it would mean a lot."

The spy nodded his understanding and stopped to pull a door open for open. "You know where I'll be when you're done."

She pushed Hawke inside up next to his brother's bed and watched as he unexpectedly roused, uttering a ghost of a thanks to her before looking towards Saint John.

"It's not fair," he murmured inaudibly. He knew like wasn't fair, but this was too much. After a tragic childhood followed by years of imprisonment, Saint John deserved a break, anything but this.

_He _was the one that deserved punishment, not Saint John. He couldn't even begin to count the number of times he had made stupid decisions and hurt the ones he loved and could understand this as some kind of retribution. Why Sinj though? And Dom? While he was at least starting to get better, he hadn't done anything but be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Once again, he had gotten out comparatively well to the others; the only difference was that _so far _no one was dead.

Dragging a shaking, weary hand through brown fringe that was getting long, he let out a deep sigh and looked behind him at the expectant looking doctor waiting just inside the door undoubtedly for him. He wasn't going to fight them this time though. He didn't have the strength or will power for it. They could do whatever they wanted to him, and honestly, he didn't care anymore.

He gave them a weak nod indicating he was done. He didn't want to be, but nothing he said or did would make any difference now, so why bother?

The white overcoated doctor who had such a grim look on his face he couldn't help but wonder if he was really going to be hospitalized or tortured, stalked silently to him, clench the handles of the chair, and pushed him quietly away.

\A/

It was the gentle touch of a warm hand on her shoulder that awakened Caitlin O'Shaunessey several hours later. Yawning sleepily, she slowly sat up and took inventory of her surroundings, soon realizing she had somehow managed to end up in Michael's office.

"If you're hungry you're welcome to join Marella and I for dinner," Michael invited. "It's nothing too fancy, but with things as hectic as they've been I thought you might not have had a decent meal in a while."

"That would be great; I'll get ready now." She quickly got up and started toward the restroom, trying to avoid making them wait because of their gracious invitation but stopped abruptly mid-stride. "How is he?"

"About the same.'

She nodded silently. "Okay, I'll be ready in just a couple minutes.'

"Take your time." He walked out of the office, tiredness evident by the heavy limp. He didn't know what else to do. Dominic was slowly recovery but no one could say to what extent at this point. Saint John was no better, and Hawke had given up hope. Meanwhile everyone around them, himself included, was burning out, unable to keep up with the constant strain.

"Uh, Michael," Caitlin called, looking ten times better after he nap and cleaning up a bit. "I can't go to dinner after all. I need to get to the cabin and Le."

"That's not a problem. Marella is on her way back with Le now."

"How'd you know-"

"Hawke let it slip," Michael answered with a brief grin. "Despite his faults, he tries to watch out for the family."

"Yeah, that's something he never forgets."


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

"Hawke," Marella called out as she entered the room, forgoing the usual courtesy of knocking. "Hawke!"

Looking more than a little worse for wear, Hawke slowly turned to meet Michael's head assistant, apathy obvious in his attitude before he ever said a word.

Regret flickered briefly across her features before she continued. She wanted to avoid involving him in any of this until he was fully healed, but this time that was impossible.

"Caitlin…" she trailed off. After dinner last night Caitlin and Le had never made it back; this morning an anonymous note had shown up demanding an exchange to take place that afternoon - him for the two of them. Since then everyone had been in a frenzy trying to figure out what to do, all the while time was running out. She thought that she might be able to persuade him to lure the captor out so they could grab Cait and Le, a risky but possible proposition. Now she wasn't so sure though. Never before had he been this bad - all interest in life gone. He was a danger to himself.

"What about Caitlin?" he asked in a gruff voice after a long pause.

Did she dare? The chances of getting Caitlin and Le back safely were much greater with his help, but, on the other hand, so were the chances of them all getting shot.

Against her better instinct, she decided to tell him, only hoping it would spur him some sort of reaction in him.

"Caitlin and Le got snatched last night.

His reaction, or better put, lack of reaction amazed her.

"They're threatening to kill them both."

"Do you know where they're being held so you can send someone in?"

"No, and we don't have time to find out either; we're supposed to meet them in two hours to make the switch."

"What are you exchanging?" "We're supposed to be trading you, that's the problem."

"So trade me."

_No, no, no! Come on Hawke, since when were you __**that **__logical? What happened to that save the world attitude? _

"They'd kill you," she warned seriously.

"Better one of me than two of them."

"We don't want any of you dead."

"_You _don't want us dead, or the _FIRM _doesn't want us dead?"

"I, me personally, don't want you dead, along with a few others. Why is that so hard to get? IF you want to be dead so much just jump out the window and save us the problems you're causing, no one is stopping you. Excuse me for interrupting, I just thought you still actually cared about your friends and family." Turning on her heels, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her, irritation coursing through her veins. How could he be so pigheaded? She knew he could be stubborn, but this was ridiculous, beyond ridiculous. Using him as a lure and managing to keep everyone safe was along shot, but it was more palatable than the massacre that would probably happen without him. Unfortunately they couldn't _force _him put on a believable act long enough to get the others out.

Leaning heavily against the wall, she let out a deep sigh. Whatever they did, they we're going to have to come up with something fast or both Le and Cait would be returned in little pieces. The worst part was that if whoever had them was willing to go to all this trouble and obviously wasn't above killing a few bystanders along the way, he would probably continue on until he got what he wanted, however long that took.

About to head back down the hall in search of some sort of plan, she stopped suddenly, listening to the soft sound of rustling around in Hawke's room. A moment later, rumpled and unshaved, he peered out.

"What do you want me to do?"

\A/

"You what?" Michael asked Marella to repeat herself.

"I asked Hawke to help us get Cait and Le back," she answered.

"Normally I would agree, but do you think that is such a good idea considering his current state - both physical and mental?"

"I think it's the only option we have, sir."

"Are you sure he'll do what he's supposed to? When I last saw him he didn't seem to much care what happened to him or anyone else."

"No," she answered honestly. I think when it comes done to it he'll realize what's important to him, but I can't be completely sure. I just think we don't have any other option but to trust his judgment on this one."

"Fine," he agreed. "Make the necessary preparations." He just hoped she knew what she was doing.

\A/

"So what am I doing?" Hawke asked almost hesitantly.

She wanted to ask him if he was okay, if he was sure he wanted to go through with this, but she couldn't. She was too afraid of what hi answer might be.

"Let's start with you sitting down before you fall down." beyond not knowing for sure if he was going to stick to the plan or not, she hated leaving him in such vulnerable position alone when he should be in a hospital. But then again she had to ask herself what choice was there?

"I think we'll get you cleaned up a little then go over the plan.

"I can get myself presentable, you tell me what I'm supposed to be doing."

"Their captor says that he will have them with him at the designated exchange spot. It's supposed to be an even trade - you for Caitlin and Le. What we need you to do is keep him busy, distract him for about five minutes while we slip in, get the captives out and get out. After that you get out of there and we can send more people in if necessary to get you out."

"I'm not much for small talk, and I still don't see why you need me for this job."

"He'll realize something is up when you don't show up."

"Alright, whatever. Do we know the name of this mysterious captor?"

"He said it was Cam. He seemed to think you'd know what he meant."

"Great."

"You know him I take it?"

"You could say that. I'm not sure you're going to get your whole five minutes though. Knowing him, he'll probably have a whole assassination team providing to some hidden firing squad."

"That sounds kind of extreme."

"He is an extreme kind of guy, has something against me too - a kind of twisted the fish that got away and now must be made into sushi kind of thing. Really it's a long story.


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

**4:00 PM**

"This isn't necessary," Hawke protested as Marella brought around the wheelchair.

"You still aren't very steady on your feet, and it would make all of our lives a lot more difficult if you collapse in the middle of this, except maybe Cam's."

"Doesn't a guy deserve the dignity of standing until his death though?"

"This isn't going to be anyone's death if you just stick to the plan," Marella hissed back, "now get in the chair."

After once again listing off his objections he obeyed.

"He's there on the park bench. Where are Cait and Le?"

"Let us worry about that, just do as you were told."

"Hawke," Cam called out while they were still at a distance, "long time no see. How have you been lately?"

"I can get it from here," Hawke announced, taking over. "Just make sure whatever happens you get them out."

"Looks like the years between our last visit have been rough ones. What happened?"

"You know, the funny thing is I don't remember. Evidently my helicopter caught on fire; no one knows why though."

"How awful. You're lucky to be alive. From what I've heard your brother didn't fare so well."

"Leave my brother out of this."

"I can't do that, Hawke. You remember how this goes - I threaten you _and _your whole family."

"That's going to have to change."

\A/

"How's he doing?" Marella asked upon catching up with the emergency rescue team.

"Nobody is dead yet," she sniper replied, still focused on her target. "It'd save everybody a lot of trouble if I just shot him though. Give me one shot and I'll splatter him across pavement."

"We can't and you know it."

"Just tell me where his men are, I bet I can take them all out before they can kill their prisoners."

"That isn't a bet we get to make."

"And now you know why I work alone. You know, I don't believe Stringfellow would appreciate the setup you've got either. He doesn't much like his life being left in _my _hand."

She shifted the M25 ever so slightly. "He's going to break you know." The lean muscle ticking in his jaw was enough of a give away to tell he was thinking about it, but she knew it was only a matter of time. "He's making a move for it."

"Dammit, Hawke, stick to the plan," Marella said, "you've got to stick to the plan if you want us all to get out of here alive."

"He made his move, get someone in there now or we're going to have a lot more bodies than you FIRM type like."

\A/

Struggling to recover from the hard blow Cam had managed to get in, Hawke fought to tighten his grip on his opponent's neck. Call it what you want, he wasn't going to idly stand around while everyone he cared about was being threatened by this man. Cam broke his hold and tolled on top, using his greater strength and Hawke's injuries to his advantage.

"You can't beat me this time. The helicopter crash might not have killed you, but this time I will."

"Not…without a…fight," he ground out, struggling for precious oxygen. With shaking arms he shoved with all his might, but it was no use. Just as the darkness was closing in the grip sudden loosened, Cam collapsing even as a scarlet stain spread across his shirt and he fell to the ground dead.

Gasping for air, he continued to lay motionless on the ground as people began to gather, police sirens sounding in the distance. Ignoring the murmur around him, he knew he needed to get out of there before the police showed up and started asking questions but couldn't muster the strength to move.

"Is he okay?" someone in the crowd asked.

How did they think he was? He had only nearly been choked to death!

"We should call an ambulance. Somebody get an ambulance!" one of the onlookers shouted a little too loud for his liking.

"Excuse me," he heard another say, the voices beginning to fade out. "I'm a doctor, I need to take a look at this man…"

When he regained consciousness it was to someone roughly shoving an oxygen mask over his face and then disappearing to the front of the ambulance and screeching away, sirens blaring.

Twice as fast as they should have gotten there, the ambulance slammed to a halt outside Knightsbridge and the driver climbed into the back again.

It was Lexa.

"You're moonlighting as an EMT now?"

"I'd watch it if I were you," she warned. "I was the only thing keeping you from getting strangled, you know. By the time the others could have gotten in there you would have been dead. And they interrupted my vacation for this."

"Where this time, Russia again?" "Uzbekistan."

"I'm not even going to ask."

"That's good because I'm not going into it. My job was to play sniper and make sure you didn't get killed. I did that, and now I'm going to be on the next plane back over there. Let's get you inside now so I can get out of here." She helped him up and out of the ambulance but then obviously expected him to handle the rest on his own. "Here," she handed him the folded wheelchair. "Tell Michael he's going to have to wait on my debrief until I get back next month. I've got to get this ambulance back before the police come after me too." She shut the back doors and turned to leave.

"Lexa," Hawke said, stopping her in her tracks. "Thank you." It wasn't the easiest thing to say, but he meant it. She _had _saved his life so he owed her at least that much. Actually, he owed her a lot more.

"Yeah. Just plan the timing better next time; I'm not interrupting my vacation again." She turned again to leave, gracefully hoisting herself into the cab, and while he knew she'd never admit it, he was almost sure he heard a "hope your brother gets better" before she left.

"String!" Caitlin called out, rushing up to him with arms outstretched, more catching him in an embrace than he her. "Are you alright? I saw you go down and then the shot, but they already had me-"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Uncle String!" Le followed in Caitlin's wake only a moment later once he had finished with the brief examination the FIRM had requested to do. He caught the boy, returning the hug. "You alright?"

"Yeah. The doctor told me to tell you that Uncle Dom is awake now too and wants to talk to you."

"I'll be right up then," he replied, grateful for the good news and grateful he got to live long enough to hear it. "Any news in Saint John?"

Le shook his head.

"Okay. Tell Dom I'm on my way up there." Dom was an improvement and he would take what he could get. Besides, he though, with how crazy things had been lately anything could happen.


End file.
